The Knife Culture Is Still Alive And Deadly

We’re technically still on hiatus here at SPECTACULAR OPTICAL but we just had pop back online to share SURVIVING EDGED WEAPONS.

Surviving-Edged-Weapons

You’re welcome.

MOREYOUKNOW

via Chris Sims over at CRACKED.COM

Batman Is A Puncher Of Animals

I know we just posted a Chris Sims ASK CHRIS column from COMICS ALLIANCE last week, but ASK CHRIS # 139: AN EXTENSIVE DISCUSSION OF BATMAN PUNCHING ANIMALS was just too hilarious not to link to.

Click the link…you won’t be disappointed.

batbear

(click to enlarge)

Besides, where else will you see a 10 year old Batman drop kick a bear just to prove a point?

Because Aquaman Is Basically Terrible.

Aquaman

I’ve never had a real problem with Aquaman but it seems like most people think he’s pretty much a sucky character with nothing exciting  to offer to the world of comics.

And honestly, I really don’t ever think about Aquaman…unless I have something stuck in my eye (thanks SUPER FRIENDS PSAs!) or BRAVE AND THE BOLD is on….

Leave it to Chris Sims to tackle the big questions about America’s least favorite merman in his ASK CHRIS column over at COMICS ALLIANCE!

So if you need to know more than you ever thought you wanted to to know about The King Of The Seven Seas check out the latest installment:

ASK CHRIS #137: AQUAMAN IS BASICALLY TERRIBLE

aquaman2

Michel Fiffe’s DEATHZONE And COPRA

I first heard of this Michel Fiffe guy from one of Chris Sims posts over at COMICS ALLIANCE back in May of this year.

The article was about a 16 page SUICIDE SQUAD fan-comic (limited to 300 copies) Fiffe made called DEATHZONE!

SUICIDE SQUAD was not one of the comics on my reading list back in the 80s but I was familiar enough with the series (and with obsessive comic book worship) to appreciate what Fiffe had created. I didn’t order a copy of DEATHZONE back then…and I didn’t click the link to Fiffe’s website or his Etsy page…but for some reason I did keep thinking about him and the SQUAD over the past 6 months.

Then in early November Sims posted another article about this Fiffe guy and his new SUICIDE SQUAD-inspired comic, COPRA!

The sample pages of Fiffe’s self published endeavor really impressed me and the collector in me just couldn’t pass up grabbing one of the 400 copies he was selling.

This time I did click the links to Fiffe’s website and his Etsy page and got myself the very first issue of COPRA…and while I was there I also got myself a monthly subscription and was lucky enough to purchase the second to last copy of DEATHZONE!

So, click away on those links above and show Fiffe some love and get on board the cult classic COPRA is sure to become…that way you can say you were there when it all started!

Needless to say, I’m pretty jazzed about getting a comic book in the mail again…the last time I had a subscription to a comic was in the 80s…wanna’ know what the first issue I received was?

Sasquatch vs Super-Skrull, bitches!

Cobra Commander…For President?

Turn to the left. Fashion! Turn to the right. Yo, fashion!

I have no problems admitting that I love all things G.I. JOE…the swivel-arm battle grip action figures, the 80s comic, the 80s Sunbow cartoon series, and yes, even the 2009 movie…

My one complaint with the film was the lack of character defining, Village People-esque costuming. Seriously, the Joes and Cobra knew how to look sharp and accessorize for every occasion!

Just look at these dudes!

I bring this up because I stumbled onto a post over at Comics Alliance this past weekend that was all about the fashions of G.I.JOE!

How awesome is that?! Well, it’s pretty damn awesome, let me tell ya’!

I’ve posted a few examples of Chris Sims and Bethany Fong‘s hilarious and insightful musings along with some pictures below…but feel free to click the link to read their post in its entirety:

ComicsAlliance Critiques the Fashions of ‘G.I. Joe’

Chris: Not since Dr. Strange has a man rocked the high collar/amulet combo so effectively.

Bethany: Holy accessories, Batman! Does this guy have a disco collar, an amulet, two gauntlets (one with darts and another with grenades), and TWO garters? Not to mention, the collar, amulet, darts, grenades, and garters are matching impeccably!

Chris: Hell. Yes. As much as I talked about liking how the Baroness was wearing armor, this is a dude who goes into battle and doesn’t even wear shoes OR a shirt. Just pants, a headband and a bandolier of shuriken, and if it wasn’t for the Comics Code, I’m pretty sure the pants would’ve been gone too.

Bethany: I like that he’s a no frills (and no shirt) kind of guy.

Chris: Shipwreck’s costume — and this is a costume, not a uniform — is amazing. It’s… I mean, it is every insane stereotype about sailors they could think of, down to the fact that he has a parrot and carries a flint-lock shotgun like an actual 17th century pirate.

Bethany: I love how Shipwreck looks bewildered and pretty much ready to kill you with all of his weapons simultaneously, while his parrot looks so cozy, comfortably nesting on his shoulder.
Chris: The anchor tattoo, the goofy hat and the pants that are flared at the ankle and super-tight at the thighs at the same time make him look like a hipster, even though I don’t think that’s technically possible.Bethany: Don’t forget that beard, brah!
Chris: But yeah, that dude is definitely getting ready to shoulder his way through the crowd to get a Record Store Day exclusive vinyl pressing. And you know what, maybe they should stick with that the next time Joe gets a relaunch. Stick with the original design, just give him the codename “Hipster.” He could talk about how he liked G.I. Joe HQ better when it was underground.
Chris: Sgt. Slaughteris a real human being. And a real American hero.
Bethany: Not gonna lie, I would break my no-pants rule for those G.I. Joe britches.

Chris: I will never understand why he never actually wore them to wrestle in real life. But aside from that, this is basically just what the real Sgt. Slaughter wore to work every day, which kind of makes it stick out in the context of the other suits.

Bethany: Wait, so did he wear this in combat as well? Or something else?

Chris: …Bethany are you somehow unaware that Sgt. Slaughter was a real life pro wrestler in the WWF who was then made into a character on G.I. Joe?

Bethany: … WOW I DEFINITELY BELIEVED THAT THIS WAS A PURE COINCIDENCE.Chris: He even did the voice on the cartoon! And in G.I. Joe: The Movie! And Cobra Commander said that he had the constitution of a vending machine!Bethany: Amazing!

Chris: Of course, I can see why you were thrown off. The G.I. Joe Sgt. Slaughter had significantly more hair than his real-life counterpart, and also never defected to Iraq in order to get a match against Hulk Hogan. He was 100% dedicated to taking on the forces of Cobra with his bare hands.

Bethany: Ha, yes. So basically Sgt. Slaughter got to cosplay himself on a day to day basis? Color me jealous.

See what they have to say about The Baroness, Scarlett, Bazooka, Cobra’s Televiper, evil twins Tomax and Zamot, and Torch and Ripper of the Dreadnoks:

You Can Keep Your Charlie Brown…

Comic book/pop culture blogger (and Christmas lover), Chris Sims, discusses the G.I. JOE Christmas episode “COBRA CLAWS ARE COMING TO TOWN” at Comics Alliance

Don’t feel like all the reading? Then just watch the 80’s Joe awesomeness here:

COBRA CLAWS ARE COMING TO TOWN

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