Swamp Thing S:1, E:2

Hey y’all, welcome back! It’s time for us to head out to the Louisiana bayous and check in on the continuing adventures of Dr. Anton Arca– I mean, Swamp Thing!

If you’re new to Spectacular Optical you might not have heard that I plan on watching and blogging about the entire run of the 1990s live action TV show: SWAMP THING THE SERIES!

I have no set schedule or time frame for completing this Herculean feat of swampy immersion, but I guarantee I’m gonna’ stick to it for as long as it takes to get through all 72 episodes.

And guess what?  Today we’re discussing episode 2 (only 70 more posts left!). If  you want to start at the beginning, click HERE for S:1, E:1

Okay then…let’s do this!

Season 1, episode 2: FALCO

Wait a minute…before you go getting all excited, let me warn you: this episode has absolutely nothing to do with a particular 80s Austrian pop rock juggernaut…so let’s just get that out of your system before we move on.

Better? Good.

Episode 2 starts off with a bang with an unnamed gunman popping out of the bushes and opening fire on the funeral service for Savanna Langford…if you don’t recall, Savanna is Tressa Kipp’s mom and grandmother to our young hero, Jim Kipp.

If you’re anything like me then I bet you’re head is swimming with all sorts of questions like, “how did Savanna die?” and “was she murdered?” and “who the heck was that guy with the gun?” and “why was his arm in a sling?” and “was that a flintlock pistol?” and “why was Arcane at the funeral?” and…anyway, you get the picture…I have lots of questions and it’s only been 44 seconds into the episode.

Turns out we weren’t the only onlookers at Savanna’s funeral…Swamp Thing was up to his usual camouflaged voyeur technique and saw the whole thing as well. He also saw the one armed, would be assassin hide his gun in a tree stump and wander off into the bayou. Once the coast was clear Swampy finally emerged from his hiding spot and used one of his many useful(?) powers: he turned the gun into a plant!

Wow. Great. No one will ever use that gun again.

I sure hope we get to some full on monster bashing at some point in this series…I’m seriously ready for hot monster on monster action. I know  it’s only been a couple of episodes but I’m already tired of Swampy’s less than proactive role in his own series.

So then we’re back at Jim’s grandma’s house where Jim and his mom decide to stay in Louisiana and make grandma’s house their new home. Oh and real quick: I have to admit that even though I’m impressed by the increased width of Tressa’s shoulder pads, I am disappointed in the reduction of  her bangs from the 1st episode….

….thankfully, Dr. Arcane is keeping it real in the hair and shoulder pad department. Take note ladies gentelemen, this is how it’s done.

Man, Anton is looking sharp as usual….I think I’m developing a serious man-crush on our dapper mad scientist. But enough about that….Arcane pumps young Jim for some info on the funeral shooter and figures out that the assassin’s bullet was meant for him! He also takes time out from his busy schedule of human-animal husbandry to put the moves on Tressa by inviting himself over later for tea and his homemade cucumber sandwiches!

Cucumber sandwiches?!  Damn playa’ can you get any cooler? I doubt it.

After setting up his date, Arcane hotfoots it over to an abandoned warehouse to go through some slides of his past and current experiments in an effort to figure out which one of them might want him dead…and little does he know, he’s being tailed by the one armed shooter.

Just who is this man and why does he want Arcane dead? Turns out, he’s another one of Arcane’s insane experiments…with a twist!

Falco isn’t the usual human-animal hybrid Arcane is know for. You see, he once was a beautiful peregrine falcon “as free as the wind” but Dr. Arcane found a way to turn about 98% of him into a man!

We find all this out once Falco runs into Swampy on his way to retrieve his gun. Instead of punching each other repeatedly in the face, Falco and Swampy wax philosophical about anguish, murder, birds, human nature, and being true to yourself.

Falco wants to be what nature intended him to be and fly again but Swamp Thing pretty much tells him to get over it and gets all new agey with some encouraging words, “A man can fly on the wings of his spirit…but not if the spirit is weighted down with bitterness and hatred…or stained with blood…be what you are and you’ll fly again.”

Not surprisingly Falco doesn’t take any comfort in Swampy’s speech and rushes off into the swamp…and then things almost get exciting! One of Arcane’s escaped pet projects attacks Falco and they fight for about a half a second until Swamp Thing breaks it up.

Sigh…I was really hoping we’d get to some monster fisticuffs but instead we’re treated to more sage advice from Swampy as he consoles Jim at his grandmother’s grave. I have to admit, it was kind of cool to see Alec Holland’s tombstone though…

Instead of hanging with Preachy McPlant-man, Jim decides to head home…he sees that mom is busy enjoying some tea and cucumber sandwiches with her new suitor, Dr. Arcane, so he hops in a rowboat to go clear his head. Turns out Jim is a horrible boater and falls into the swamp…unfortunately, Jim is also a horrible swimmer and starts drowning.

Falco also shows up at Jim’s house to finally kill his creator but Jim’s cries for help are too much for Falco to ignore! Swampy also hears Jim’s hysterical screaming and shows up just in time to see Falco abandon his murder plot to save the life of a child…I feel a soon to be patented Swamp Thing I told you so type of lesson coming on.

Falco revives Jim with his one-handed CPR technique (minus any rescue breaths) as Swampy watches…once Jim is revived, Swampy sends him home to sleep it off and hits Falco with that I told so I was expecting without actually saying the words:

Swamp Thing: “Can a bird save a boy’s life?”

Falco: “When he started to breathe…I…when I realized I had made him live again…it was like I was flying!”

Falco smiles and looks towards the heavens…

Cut to a bird screech and a shot of a falcon soaring through the clear blue skies!

End credits.

Really? That’s what I get for an ending?

Might as well have just tacked this on…

So that’s that….stay tuned for more SWAMP THING THE SERIES coverage right here at Spectacular Optical! Episode 3 is called “Treasureso I’m keeping my fingers crossed for some swamp pirates!

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